the times, they are achanging…

• okay, so I’m not the greatest blogger because I never know what to say. Should I give regular updates on my life? Should I only post things that I think are really important, like world issues, or ideas about God or new music…or should I give a play by play of my daily life…. OR (E) all of the above

• I don’t know if anyone reads this, but if you do check up on me..please let me know what you want from my blog…I can give you what you want..I just need to know what it is. For those of you who know me, remember how I cam people dependent? Yah? Well, this is proof of that. And for those of you who don’t know me very well, now you know this, so there ya’ go, that one’s for free.

here is an update.

• I spent the better part of July in North Carolina because my wonderful brother got married to an amazing woman. I have to admit that I had a hard time with this at first because I’m not great with change and I really didn’t know Jada very well. After a few meltdowns and talking things through with some good friends, who have the guts to tell me when I’m being stupid, I decided that it was cool. You see, you must realize that until the DAY I was married to Brandon, Adam was my world. Everything I was, everything I was going to be, was a reflection of him. There is still a lot of who I am that is because of Adam, even my marrying Brandon. After I got married though, our friendship was pretty strained, and even though I gained a new best friend, I thought that I had lost my old one, in Adam. I know that it was hard for him to be at home, unmarried and trying to start his own life but not knowing what the future held. Needless to say, I am glad that he is enjoying the blessings of marriage, even though things will never be the same again, he is my brother who I adore, and his being married has only brought us closer. Thank you sweet Jada for that.

• From my last post you can see that my 2 and 1/2 weeks away from Brandon was really really hard, and I think that I learned that even though NC is where I am from, it is no longer my home. My home will always be wherever Brandon is. Even if that means sub-arctic tundra, where the weather in September is equal to even the harshest winter in Western NC. When I got back it was still really nice weather, warm days, fairly cool nights, lots of great swimming, fishing, and riding bikes. Most of the people in town go to the lakes during the summer and our students were all over the place. It felt like Thompson only had about 8,000 people, when normally we’re anywhere from 15,000-30,000. I got lonely and bored, but the weekend before school started back, Labor day weekend, EVERYONE CAME HOME. Literally, all at once Thompson was full of people again. IT WAS MADNESS. I don’t know why I thought this was so crazy, but it’s me, I think lots of things are crazy. All of that to say, Life is busy again, our students are back, our ministry is in full swing and life is good. We send out e-newsletters monthly and usually update the newsletter with what is going on in our ministry, so I don’t want to repeat myself in this blog. If you don’t get that newsletter and you’d like to know that side of our life, e-mail us at themilans@gmail.com.

I have some other news for ya’ll, which you might not want to know, but it’s ever present on my mind these days and I have to get it out.

• My papaw, (paternal grandfather) died 2 months after we got married in December of 06. He had been sick with cancer for a year, and was like a second father to me, as he was only 64 when he passed. We lived with him and my grandmother my last 2 years of highschool, he and I were very close. 7 months later my Papaw Bud (maternal grandfather) passed away unexpectedly, and I was extremely close to him as well. All that to say I have experienced loss, and the pains of loosing loved ones, first hand. This was happening all while I was enjoying the bliss that comes with being a newlywed, working a pretty stressful, time demanding job, and going to school. With all of those things and the new self confidence from being married to the best husband EVER, I gained weight. A LOT. There are reasons, there are justifications I can make, but the real reason is that I have been very sad, and  very happy and nothing in between for the last 2 and half years. Then we moved to a different country, and the thing that I have had through all of this,consistently, is FOOD.

• A month before Adam got married, a friend who I had grown up with passed away unexpectedly. She was 24. I have heard a number of reasons for her passing and am still not 100% on why she died, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. It hurt. I hurt for who she was, and who she was going to be, I hurt for her family. I hurt because she and I were a lot alike in many ways. One way was a struggle with weight. Then Adam got married, so…I am dealing with, a bridesmaids dress, pictures, seeing everyone I’ve ever met , seeing people I hadn’t seen in a year and a half who I consider family, and seeing people who have known me and my family for a long time….and that is a recipe for MAJOR fat anxiety. I knew I had gained weight, I knew I looked different, I knew I had chopped my hair off, I knew I was dressing more like a woman and less like a smelly college kid who wanted to be like her smelly outdoorsy brother. I knew these things, and yet I didn’t. The whole time I was home I kept facing the fact that people didn’t recognize me, or if they did, then they went on and on about how different I was, and yes I am different, but I felt like they were all just saying, “wow, you’ve gotten really fat.” Now bear with me, I know that most people wouldn’t say that, and maybe not even think it, but my weight really is the biggest difference. I would on occasion, as a younger and thinner Leah,  dress up, and wear makeup, and no one would ever say, “wow you look so different, I wouldn’t have recognized you” so why would they say that now? Um, how about, 80 pounds really changes the way a person looks. DUH! I compensate, if my body isn’t looking great, you better believe my hair and makeup will. I am a compensation junkie. I need self esteem, even if it will rub off.

ALSO….We have a friend who was a missionary in the jungles of Peru, a friend who is like a brother, I actually have a few friend/brothers like that, but this guy is different. We worked at snowbird together, and for some reason he has always JUST gotten me. Before he left, he was a great, Godly, twenty-something outdoorsy guy. Now he is back after working for 2 years, and is still those things, but he is also very very thin, to the point where I think I might mention that he needs to EAT more fried chicken and drink chai latte’s. I can guarantee that when people see him, they aren’t saying, “wow you look so different, I wouldn’t have recognized you” (or they might be ) BUT I bet they’re saying, “wow you look great, you are so thin, you didn’t need to loose weight, and in fact you need to eat boy” well, maybe not, but that is what I would say.

This is all just an explination to say that through various circumstances, I have come to realize that I need to loose weight. I even got to such a point of desperation, that I was considering surgery, or diet pills, or nutrisystem or something.  So Brandon and I have made a huge change. No more eating out. (not there is anything much up here anyway) no more huge college boy portions, no more BAD southern cooking, and no more giving into weaknesses, and cravings.

• We are eating 1200-1500 calories a day. We eat low cal, low fat, low sodium, low sugar, and only eat grain, no white flour. We are eating lean meats and proteins, lots of raw veggies, lots of salads, fruit and berries, skim dairy, and like I said, whole wheats and grains. We are eating 5-6 small times a day, with the three important meals, and the rest are just snacks. We are trying to drink 3 liters of water a day, but most of the time it’s only 2, and we put in them no cal, no nothing, Crystal Light singles or sugar free red koolaid for Brandon. That goes in our water to make it taste good. The cool thing about this is that I have taken all of the foods that we loved (except the really bad stuff like fried things and pastries) and I have learned how to make them in a more healthy way. At first we felt like we eating all the time, b/c to go from eating 2-3 big meals a day to eating 5-6 little ones, you basically eat all day. Now we are getting hungry every few hours. We haven’t had a diet dr. pepper and we haven’t missed it…crazy huh? The best part of this is that we can do this for the rest of lives, I mean, it’s not rocket science, it’s not all that hard, and it’s not like we’re depriving ourselves. Also, the fact that I’m having to make everything from scratch because of preservatives, sugar and sodium, is making me a pretty good cook ( I know you’re in shock) but this is really good thing. We’ve done it on our own, no trainer, no nutrition expert, no pills, no diet books,no fad diet, no starving, just us, being smarter. We also have been trying to ride our bikes for about an hour 6 days a week, but now that it is cold, (YAH I KNOW IT”S ALREADY GETTING COLD…..where did we move to?????? AH!) now that is it is getting cold, our town is offering different fitness classes and we’re going to do those at least 3 days a week, and I’m going to try to do 6 days a week. However, if it is too expensive or I don’t like going that often, then we have some things that we can do here at home for the other 3 days a week. We even picked up an old 70’s exercise bike that we have named Donnie Osmond.

We have been doing this for 5 weeks, and have seen results already! I really don’t want to jynx it, but (DRUM ROLL PLEASE……..)

Brandon has lost 20 pounds, and I have lost 15…so, we’re stoked.

• I know this seems frivolous, maybe it doesn’t. But either way, as our family and friends, please support us and pray for us. Thanks.

oh and get back to me about what I should blog about.